eugene l.

English jokes...

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Three men arrive at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks the first man, "Religion?" The first man replies, "Episcopalian." St. Peter looks down his list and says, "go to room 24. But be very quiet as you pass room 8."To the second man St. Peter asks, "Religion." The second man replies "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list and says, "Go to room 14. But be very quiet as you pass room 8."To the third man St. Peter asks. "Religion." The third man replies, "Baptist." St. Peter looks down his list and says. "Go to room 21. But be very quiet as you pass room 8." The third man then says to St. Peter, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must we be quiet when we pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."

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As you know St. Peter guards the gates of heaven. One day he needed to pee, as you do, so he asked Jesus to guard the gates for a while, and Jesus being a very kind and willing man said he would. After a while a man appeared and started to walk towards Jesus. When the man got to the gates Jesus thought he looked very familiar. He was on old man with a beard. Jesus asked-"I don't mean to be nosey sir, but did you have any children?" The man replies-"Yes, one son, but he died, he had nails put through him." "And what did you work as?" "I was a carpenter" Jesus says-"Father?" The man says-"Pinnochio?".

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The Queen, Tony Blair, Bill Clinton, and a few other world leaders have all died and gone to the pearly gates. On arrival they are told by St Peter that heaven is all roads and motorways. To get about they each receive a car, the make and model depending on how they lived and loved on earth. The Queen got a Rolls, Tony Blair a BMW with Clinton getting a Mini. They are all happily driving about and the PM sees the Queen in a lay by so he stops for a chat. Then Clinton drives past and they burst out laughing. "Are you laughing at me in my mini," shouts an angry Bill. " Of course not Bill" says Blair, "we just saw the Pope on a pair of roller blades".

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Two small boys, one catholic and one protestant get lost in the woods. Darkness comes down and they near a monastery. Upon entering they are asked their faith, telling the head monk their religions. The catholic lad gets the best of treatment, good food, a good bed near the fireplace. The protestant lad however gets a bowl of cold gruel, is told to sleep by the draughty door to keep the cold out of the room. In the morning the head monk asks the boys how it was. "I dreamt I was in heaven Father " said the catholic boy. "It was just wonderful" "I dreamt that I was in hell " said the protestant boy. "And what was that like?" said the holy father. "Just like this place, couldn't get near the fire for Catholics".