eugene l.

English jokes...

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Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his balls. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates." The woman replies, "Yes. We're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we."

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A businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to the Toyota motor people. Needless to say, this was an especially important deal, and it was imperative that he make the best possible impression. On the morning of the presentation he awoke to find himself passing gas, in large volumes, with the unpleasant characteristic of sounding like "HONDA." The man was besides himself. Every few minutes "HONDA", "HONDA".... Unable to stop this aberrant behavior, and in desperate need to terminate these odious and rather embarrassing emissions, he sought a physicians aid. After a full examination, the doctor told him that there was nothing inherently wrong with him and that he would just have to wait it out. Being unwilling to accept this state of affairs he visited a second and then a third doctor all of whom told him the same thing. Finally one medic suggested that he visit a dentist. Well although he could not see how a dentist was going to be of any help, he visited one anyway. Lo and behold, the dentist said, "Ah, there's the problem" "What is it?" the man asked. "Why you have an abscess," said the dentist. "An abscess. How could that be causing my problem?" asked the man. "That's easy," replied the dentist. "Why everyone knows... Abscess makes the fart go Honda."

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What's worse than having your doctor tell you that you have VD? Having your dentist tell you.

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One day, a man walked into the dentist�s office for some dental work. The dentist said, "Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?" The man looked at the dentist and said, "None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life." The dentist said, "Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller" The man looked back at the dentist and said, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare." The dentist said, "Sir, I'm telling you, use a painkiller." The man again said to the dentist, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth." The dentist then said, "Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?" The man said, "Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods north of here one snowy day. Walking through the woods, the urge came upon me and I headed over to a tree. Well, I started to do my thing, and when the first part dropped, It set off a large bear trap that was hidden in the snow that closed on my balls. That was the second greatest pain in my life" The dentist then said, "Ouch! But then what was the first greatest pain in your life?" The man replied, "When I reached the end of the chain."

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Why did the guru refuse Novacaine when he went to his dentist? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

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Mark's Dental-Chair Discovery: Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or no answer.

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Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.

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There was a young dentist named Sloan who catered to women alone. In an act of depravity, he filled the wrong cavity, and said, "My, how my business has grown!"

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A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front: Let me put my tool in your mouth... and on the back: ...and I will fill your cavity.

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Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $90.00. Patient: $90.00 for just a few minutes work??? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.

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Here's a really mean trick that you can play on people waiting in the dentist's office. I recently had my wisdom teeth removed and had an appointment for a check-up to see how my mouth was healing. So naturally, in the oral surgeon's waiting room, there were people that were going to have some dental surgery and everyone looked pretty nervous. Except for I, of course, because it was only going to be a brief appointment (5 minutes or so). So after the check-up, I stuffed some Kleenex into my mouth, opened up the door to the waiting room, and announced loudly to my waiting father, "Boy! that was the fastest tooth pull they've ever done!" The expressions on the patients faces were priceless. And my father thought that what I did was extremely evil. Try it! You'll like it!

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A man went to the dentist to get his teeth checked. While he was sitting in the chair being examined, the dentist said to him, "Have you done oral sex lately?" The man replied, "Why yes, I did this morning actually. How could you tell? Have you found a pubic hair stuck in my tooth?" The dentist says, "No, not quite. You've got some shit on the end of your nose!"

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A friend of mine went to the dentist recently. He commented that it must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth. He said, "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."

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What do you call a depressed dentist? A little down in the mouth.

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A lady goes to the dentist. In the chair, the dentist notices a little brown spot on one of her teeth. "Aha, caries! I'll have to drill this one out!" says the dentist. "Oh no, I'd rather have a child!!!" cries the lady. "In that case, let me adjust the chair first," replies the dentist